Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
