you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
