One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
