Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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