I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
