How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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