I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
