The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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