how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
