I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
