I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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