It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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