I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
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