Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
