wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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