His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
