there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
