can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize