oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize