They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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