she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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