Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
