Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
