and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
