u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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