The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
