If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Randomize
