he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
