she peed on how many people?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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