one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
