I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
