this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
