Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
