pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
