I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize