Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
