what day is it and did you see me today?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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