did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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