K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
