I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
