Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
