hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
