you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
