The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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