does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
