His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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