my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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