well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
