I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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