You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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