A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize