Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
