I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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