Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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