6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
