first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
if only i could text you this smell
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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