i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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