My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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