If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
