Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
