I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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