Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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