Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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