Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
