2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
