You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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