Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
