if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
