I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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