the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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