I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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