Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize