He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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