We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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