This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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