If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
