Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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