I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
