Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
