everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
