Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
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