I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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