I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
